Potty Training 101: A Gentle, Child-Led Approach for Parents
A Child-Oriented Approach to Potty Training
Yes—toddlers and young children can experience anxiety, just like older kids Parenting norms have changed—and so has the way we think about potty training. In the past, early and forceful toilet training (sometimes before 18 months) was common. But research has shown that this can lead to anxiety, shame, and setbacks for children.
Today, pediatricians and parent coaches alike advocate for a child-oriented approach. Backed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, this method focuses on developmental readiness, gentle guidance, and emotional support. Whether you’re working with a certified parent coach or exploring an online parenting program, you’ll find that respectful, child-led strategies are more effective—and less stressful—for everyone.
The Psychology of Potty Training
Toddlers are wired for independence. Potty training isn’t just about physical readiness—it’s a powerful emotional and psychological milestone.
By giving your child appropriate freedom to learn and grow, you nurture their confidence. If your parenting style limits a toddler’s autonomy too often, it can lead to frustration, resistance, or even shame.
At its core, intuitive parenting means this: observe your child’s needs and respond with warmth and clarity. When they show interest in flushing the toilet or ask to wear underwear, they’re expressing their need for independence. And when they reach for reassurance after a loud flush or accident, they’re looking for comfort. Our job as parents is to meet both of those needs.
Signs of Potty Training Readiness
How do you know when to start potty training? The answer lies in watching for cues.
1. Age
Most children gain bladder and bowel control between 18–24 months, though readiness can range from 12 to 36 months. About one-third of children aren’t ready until after 30 months.
By 2.5 years: ~22% are potty trained
By 3.5 years: ~88% are potty trained
2. Language Skills
Receptive language: Understands simple instructions (e.g., “Let’s go potty.”)
Expressive language: Can say basic phrases like “potty” or “I have to go.”
3. Gross Motor Skills
Walks independently to the bathroom
Can pull pants up and down with minimal help
4. Desire and Curiosity
Tries to take off their diaper
Complains about being wet
Watches others use the toilet
Wants to wear underwear or asks to use the potty
5. Body Awareness
Notices when they’re about to go
Seeks privacy before pooping
Wakes up dry after naps or overnight
Stays dry for at least 2 hours at a time
6. No Major Life Stressors
Avoid starting potty training during major transitions (e.g., a move, new sibling, or starting daycare). Change is hard—don’t layer on too much at once.
Getting Ready: Practical Prep & Mindset Shifts
Essentials to Have on Hand
Child-size potty or on-the-go potty
Potty seat for standard toilet
Step stool & faucet extender
Fun books and potty-related toys
Pull-ups (for naps/overnight only)
Multiple pairs of underwear
Cleaning supplies for accidents
Child’s choice of hand soap (to encourage them to want to wash their hands!)
The Parent’s Mindset
You’re probably wondering…
“Is my child ready?”
Use readiness signs—not pressure or comparison—as your guide. Trust the process.
“I’m afraid of messing this up.”
There’s no perfect script. Stay child-led, calm, and encouraging.
“I’m nervous about accidents.”
They will happen. Be prepared and keep a positive attitude. Focus on your child’s effort, not the outcome.
“I don’t have time to stay home for days.”
Yes, potty training often requires a few days at home. But think of it as a bonding time—not a burden.
Preparing Your Child for Potty Training
Show and Tell
Let your child watch you use the bathroom (if you’re comfortable). Narrate the steps:
“I feel like I have to go potty, so I’m going to the bathroom now. I’m pulling my pants down. I sit on the potty and pee. I wipe, flush, and then wash my hands.”
Talk About It Naturally
Keep the tone neutral and matter-of-fact. Avoid:
Giggling (which might make them act silly about it)
Pressure or bribery
Shaming language or scolding
Practice Before the Big Day
Let them sit on the potty with clothes on. Read books like Daniel Tiger’s Potty Time! or Potty by Leslie Patricelli. Talk about underwear, handwashing, and why everyone uses the potty.
Expect Accidents
They’re part of learning! When one happens:
Stay calm and supportive
Remind them gently what to do next time
Clean up without drama
Frequently Asked Questions
What about naptime and nighttime?
Use pull-ups during sleep. When they wake up dry for several days, you can try underwear overnight.
Should I use rewards?
Some parents use small treats or stickers. While rewards can offer early motivation, they can also backfire by adding pressure. Try simple praise and encouragement first.
Should I use ultra-absorbent underwear?
No. Your child needs to feel the accident to connect the sensation with the need to use the potty.
What if my child resists?
Take a break. Pressure creates power struggles. Come back to it later when your child is more receptive.
What Research Says
Wearing underwear (vs. diapers) during the day reduces accidents
Rewards can help short-term, but aren’t needed long-term
Girls often potty train earlier than boys
Pressure and punishment tend to slow the process
Get Support
Whether you're struggling with where to start or hitting resistance mid-process, working with an experienced behavior health care manager at Triplemoon can be a game changer. Our evidence-based programs are designed to meet you where you are, offer tools and strategies, and guide you through milestones like potty training with confidence. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
